And Then I Spoil It All By Saying Something Stupid…

Rice Padi by Nefarious Kitty.

The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
I love you...

- Robbie Williams (Something Stupid).

The atmosphere at the dinner table was giddy if not tipsy from too many drinks. And drinks did flow liberally. Everyone drank. Even MingYu and mother Chen. A pall has been lifted from the Chen household. MingYu is back. Disaster has been averted.


The fisherman was dumbfounded how he could be the catalyst for such a change when he was just one of those swept away by the tide. Events have moved so fast that he was not sure he liked it even when the outcome was favorable. He did not like having so little control and felt like a pawn of the Gods. He wished for quiet moments to digest it all.

It was hardly 6 p.m. when dinner was done. They ate early in this part of the country. Mother Chen spoke to MingYu “You best be going.” Though old man Chen would have liked to retain the fisherman for a chat, he also waved them on “Go, go.” Everyone one seemed to know except him.

But he dutifully followed MingYu though a little reluctantly. He ought to speak to her about letting him know what is going on. But that thought melted they walked along the path separating the sprouting padi plants, “I’m sorry for not letting you on before hand what is going on. I hope you’ll continue to be patient with me a little longer. It is unfair to you, I know. But it is still difficult for me to explain things. So I just dump it on you without warning.” How could he be angry when she begged for compassion and understanding with those sorry eyes? “Soon, everything will be clear to you. I will answer every question before we leave this place.”


He pondered over that last sentence. Does it mean he has to ask? Will she not volunteer to tell? Once again, the fisherman wondered if he is being led by the nose like that huge black water buffalo being led by that barefooted boy through the muddy field. Doubts and a little resentment built up but at the same time, he knew he could not walk away so was upset when she said softly “You can walk away any time.” How can he walk away now without guilt? Was she saying it to make herself feel better or has she taken him for granted. But he chose not to be angry. He chose to ignore what was said and instead focus the faltering insecurity and appealing note in her voice. He reminded to keep his ego in check. Where did he get this instinct to handle woman?


After half an hour, they came to a lone house at the edge of the village. The roof was sagging and in need of repair and the perimeter fence would not have kept out any intruder whether man or beast. In parts, the wall has crumpled and exposed the interior of the kitchen blackened with smoke through which they were emitting. He was wondering why she took him to this place when a young girl with pouncing pigtails rushed out the main door. She saw MingYu and gave a squeal. She was about to turn and shout when MingYu silenced her by lifting her finger to her mouth. She called “Ta jie” affectionately. MingYu grasped both her hand.


“Is Po po in?” MingYu asked.


The girl nodded her head and in a broken voice said “Grandma misses you. Her health is not good. She worries too much for you.”


That broke MingYu’s composure. She pulled the girl to her. Tears streamed down her face and the young girl was sobbed loudly. “I’m so sorry. It must have been difficult for you. So very sorry.” That only brought more violent sobbing.


“Ta jie, I miss you too. It hurts me so much to imagine your pain.”


When the crying stopped as all crying must, she introduced XiaoTing (little grace) to the fisherman. She eyed him suspiciously and her expression was critical. “Xiao Ting!” MingYu protested “He saved my life!” Little Grace looked down at the earth. Apparently that was not enough to earn him her favor. MingYu whispered into her ears “you will get to like him” but XiaoTing stubbornly shook her head.


Leaving her to sulk, MingYu led the fisherman into the bedroom at the back of the house. She lifted the door curtain to reveal a pitch dark room without a window. It took them a while for their eyes to get accustomed to see a small room with a bed that occupied half the space. She took the stool and sat near the head of the bed. On it was an old woman with untidy silver hairs running down the side of her face. She was all bone and skin and her cheekbone protruded prominently due to her sunken cheeks. She was asleep with an open mouth and there was a faint trail of saliva on one side. MingYu took out her handkerchief that still wrapped the hairpin and gently wiped her mouth with it. The old woman woke up with a start and stared blankly at her. As her consciousness adjusted to the reality, she smiled broadly and said “I thought I was still dreaming.” All of a sudden and quick for a sickly old woman, she slapped MingYu’s hand where she could reach.


“Ouch! That hurts” MingYu complained. “You deserve that and more, for making an old woman worry!”


MingYu said softly “You know I’ll be back.”


“Yes, I know. I only worry I’ll not live to see it. And I worry how you are coping even as I know you are a strong one and will find a way.”


This encounter was very different from the previous ones. There were no tears. Though even more poignant, they were like old friends paying a visit after a brief separation. MingYu was stroking the old woman’s hand after helping her to sit up against the headboard.


“And who have we here?” asked the old woman. When told, she smiled “You worked fast, coming home with such a big fish.” MingYu laughed, “And who taught me to fish?” He saw the old woman searching MingYu’s expression and once again, he saw relief. The fisherman thought – had he really done so well or had the expectations of everyone being lowered so much? No, not everyone. Little Grace thought her elder sister deserved better. Being young and idealistic, she did not waver in her expectation.


“Come here so I can see you better.” The fisherman stepped forward and brought her face close to her. She ran her gnarly hand over his face and suddenly pinched his cheek hard. “Ouch!” MingYu protested, “Grandma!” She chuckled “Good! Good thin skin. Good catch, good catch. You are one lucky fish; you know that, don’t you?”


“No, she is luckier.” The fisherman replied in the same vein which earned a “Hey!” from MingYu and a slap on his back. The grandma now caught hold of the fisherman’s hand “I think I’ll keep this pretty boy myself.” Now, I know where MingYu got her mischievous nature.


MingYu said “Po po. Pretty boy got a gift for you.” And she handed her the hairpin and the bundle of cash. “How thoughtful of you to think of an old woman. MingYu, he is right. You’re the lucky one” she said with a twinkle in her grey cloudy eyes. “But I can’t take your money. The hairpin I’ll treasure.”


The fisherman took the initiative and said “Po po, the money I can earn back. But if you won’t accept it, MingYu will always worry about you. And you won’t want her to worry, would you?” (The fisherman was glad that he now knew why MingYu needed the money). The old woman did not reply, just looked at MingYu with tear stained eyes “I worry so much. But now I’m so happy for you.”


Then she coughed. Not the clear cough of the young but the guggling cough of a flooded lung. MingYu reached forward but the fisherman was nearer so he patted her back till the cough subsided. The old woman then dismissed him and he left the two of them in the room while he went outside to wait for them.


The green fields were separated in untidy blocks by the earthen banks. They stretched out far into a sea of green. He felt a figure came and squatted beside him. He knew without looking that it was XiaoTing. He did not turn to look or say anything. After a few moments of silence, XiaoTing hesitantly asked “Do you love Ta Jie?” He heard the accusation in her voice.


“Do you know what I see?” His fingers swept across the field. “I saw the sea. Where I came from, the sea was everything. It can be as calm as a field of padi swaying in the wind, but empty. For a lonely person, the sea best represent his feelings. That is why he loves the sea so much because he thinks it understands him. So he consoles himself that if he has the sea, it will be enough. But deep down, he also wishes for someone to share his love of the sea. Sometimes when I returned from the sea, I looked at the rocks. Do you know what I hope to see? I hope to see a pretty mermaid. If one day, I should be so lucky and actually see that mermaid, do you think I will love her?”


Under the shade of the outstretched branch of the solitary tree in front of the house, the two figures looked into the distance in silence. XiaoTing appealed naively in a voice full of emotions “I beg you. Please take good care of Ta Jie.” The fisherman unbuttoned the top of his shirt and pulled his necklace over his head. It was a black string through which was strung several small smooth shells. He untied and slipped one shell out and placed it in XiaoTing’s hand. “My promise.”


On the way back, MingYu told the fisherman that the old woman was her wet nurse and nanny. When she was too old to work, she refused to stay in the Chen household though they treated her as one of the family. She wanted to die in her own home, she said and that is one request they could not denied her. But they all knew that the real reason is that she not wants to be a burden to anyone. XiaoTing was hired by the Chen to look after her. MingYu visited her often until she had to run away.


“Come. Let me take you to a special place.” It was a small hill with rather steep side that stood out in the plain. She was agile and climbed like a mountain goat. He was more cautious but followed her footing till they came to a clearing near the top. Spread out before them was a field of matted green. He told her about his own little hill and she expressed a desire to see it. He liked the image of the two of them sitting there watching the sun descending into the sea.


After a while, they fell into silence; each lost in their own thoughts. They must have come here many times and sit in this very spot, he thought. They have history and he has none. This thought depressed him and he was jealous. “Are you thinking of him?” he could not resist asking. She did not reply him. And his suspicion was confirmed. This hill, this beautiful scenery did not belong to him. He will need to give her a new hill, a new scene, a new experience, a new memory. He stood and wanted to suggest leaving this place which will be forever haunted with their past.


“Please stay with me a little longer” she said in a small voice that was hardly audible. “I’m sorry to bring you here. But I need to see this place for one last time.” He told himself not to be too harsh. She was just trying to wrestle with her feelings. So he sat down besides her again. She leaned against him. Then she buried her face in his chest. He was afraid she will hear the pounding of his heart.


Through muffled voice, she said “I was so confident when I led you here. I thought I had conquered my feelings. I did not expect the hurt to resurface. Now I know it will take more time to heal. Please give me more time. Please be patient with me. I know it is unfair. Too much to ask…” And he felt the warm spreading wetness in his chest. They burned like acid, burned through his skin and into his heart. But he placed his hand over her head and gently stroked it. At that moment of shared feelings and raw emotions, he wanted to tell her he loved her. But he chocked back those words. This should be the happiest moment in his life. But the woman he loved and was holding was crying for another man. When they climbed down that hill, the fisherman was a little bitter but in his unhappiness he did not realize that he had seeded the hill with his memory.


That night was the first time they shared the same bed. They slept stiffly apart. She reached out for his hand and said “Thank you.” And then after several moments of silence, added “Tomorrow please accompany me to see him.” When he was sure she had fallen asleep, he whispered those words he was afraid to say.

“I love you.”

To be continued...