Lou Kau Mansion Windows by Whitetip.Ming Yu and the fisherman walked back from the lake of Weeping Willows in silence. An invisible barrier seemed to have descended in-between them. Neither of them felt like talking. Then, they both felt guilty about not communicating. But by now silence has taken on a determined hold. The wind whipped up dead leaves at their feet and even the sound of their footsteps seemed to be sucked in by the soft earth.
Ming Yu brooded and could not shake off the image of EnXue hugging the Fisherman. It did not matter that she thought he was blameless or that she was also holding another man, she was still angry. And how could EnXue did this to her (but she in the past had secretly enjoyed the fact that others envied her). She wanted to be angry. And this overwhelmed the tenderness she felt when she was with WenCai. She kicked at the small stone in her way impetuously.
It rolled with a protest into the Fisherman’s path and annoyed him. Why should she feel angry? Didn’t she know how much it hurt him to see him holding his (ex?) lover? But at the same time, a blush rose in his face as he remembered his passion as EnXue pressed against him. So he said “I’m sorry” and meant it. MingYu softened and replied “It is not your fault” in a way as if to say “it is not my fault either.” She stopped in her track. The Fisherman stopped and faced her. MingYu lifted her head and looked into the Fisherman’s eyes and said “Let us get married before we leave.”
He looked at her. He had told MingYu he will marry her when she asked in the train. Now she wanted to seal it with an official wedding. She was rushing it. “No.” he said. “Not until we are really sure.” He turned and walked on ahead leaving MingYu stunned.
EnXue was giddy with joy when she rushed home. She had never felt anything like this. She never thought she could. So, this is what freedom taste like? How stupid of her, to contain her feelings all these years. Once she let go, everything became crystal clear to her. It will not be easy but she knew what exactly it was she had to do. She became impatient and started running. As she raced down the tree lined path, she giggled and laughed at her own silliness. For the first time in her adult life, she was happy.
She burst through the front door startling the servants who immediately rushed to her with alarm. She laughed at their worried looks alarming them further. “I’m alright, I’m alright” she tried to reassure them. But it was only after she composed herself and ordered them off to their task in her distinct sharp manner, did they cowed away. They remained as confused and puzzled for they heard her giggling under her breath, something their mistress would never do. As she approached the study, she slowed down and lost her laughter. Her heart was now pounding madly. She hesitated at the doorstep. This was the moment of Truth. It was the most important moment of her life. She must act now, if she was ever to be free.
She knocked at the door and pushed it in without waiting for a reply. Her dad would be in at this time of the day seeking solace in his books of philosophy. She did not wait for her eyes to adjust to the light but headed straight to his father’s table afraid if she were to hesitate, something would rob her of her will.
Her father put down the book he was holding but not reading for he could not focus on the subject this afternoon. These days he is finding it harder and harder to debate wisdom when his life is a lie. He was happy for the distraction but his smile dropped when he saw the determination in her face. “What is wrong, my child?”
She knew she was going to start by saying “Papa, I got to talk to you” and then blurt out all those toxic secrets she had been suppressing all these years. But now face to face with the person she loved most in the world, she could not bring herself to hurt him. Her euphoria, her courage and her determination evaporated like mist under the hot sun. Before she said the first word, tears were already rolling down her cheek. This shocked her father who was about to speak when he was abruptly cut off by EnXue “Papa, don’t talk. Let me speak.” She forced that out because she knew if she let her father speak first, she may never summon the courage to speak her mind.
Then in a low voice, broken by emotions she told him about what she saw that many years ago. How she grieved that she was the cause of her father’s sufferings. How she caused her father to go against his principle; became a changed man, manipulative, vindictive and vengeful. How he became a tortured soul for that is not his nature and he tried to over-compensate by indulging her, by his charities, his kindness. He tried to make sure more benefited from his largeness than hurt by his manipulation. And he tried to justify it all. But that ate at his soul and spirit like cancer, staining and corrupting all his good deeds. In all outward appearance, he was a gentle, kind, and successful man. But inside, he despised himself for the man he had became. But he did not know how to stop. His face drained of color and turned pallid as he listened to the sobbing voice. That was all he could do because what he feared most has happened. The only pure thing he thought he had left was the love and respect of his daughter and even that was a lie. He looked at the hurt he had caused the one he tried hardest to shield. The sound of her heartbreak is very similar to his own.
She broke down completely when she asked his forgiveness. For she could have saved him but lacked courage to hurt him. She knelt down and bowed her head. He dropped to the floor and father and daughter cried together for the first time in their life.
That night the family had a special dinner where words flew without any weight attached. EnXue asked her father not to blame her mother and her mother to lose her guilt. When all secrets were dismantled, there was nothing left to hide. When EnXue found her freedom, she used it to set her family free.
Later that night, she sat on the round table where her father drank with the moon; she has one more request to make. She knew her father will find a way to undo as much of the harm he had done and to pay back those he had hurt. She knew he will give most of what he owned away and she will be glad to see it happen. But she also knew her father will find it difficult to do the right thing where her happiness is concerned.
She took a sip from the tiny wine cup and said it casually “Papa, I want you to release WenCai’s parent from their obligations.” He looked at her daughter sadly, no longer surprised by her - “you knew about that too.” He was about to say something when EnXue stopped him “no more apologizing between us – the next one who does must drink horse urine!” Her father will do anything to make her happy. So she had always suspected when her father happily announced one day that WenCai’s parents proposed uniting the two families in marriage. She was not sure exactly how her father did it but he had his ways. The business misfortune suffered by the Tan family was probably caused by his father. He would understand that the Tan family was too honorable to accept a trade-off. So he saved them from ‘ruin’ without any obligation. Then, subtly lamented how much his daughter loved WenCai and let their honor worked for him. Her father has become a very cunning man who always know how to get his way.
“But you love him.”
“No, I don’t. Because I locked up my heart, I mistook what I want to possess for love. I saw the genuine love WenCai and MingYu have for each other and decided I want that too. I thought I will have it if I too have WenCai.” She paused and continued, “You must apologize to them. Tell them how ashamed you are. That we disgrace ourselves and them because I found someone else. That is the only way we can do justice to them.”
Her father looked at EnXue sadly “You’re just as bad as I am.”
“I know. But from now, we will use our skill for good and to benefit others.”
“I’ll drink to that and the moon will be my witness.”her father said. And EnXue smiled.
There is one more issue she held back from her father. This is not the time yet to tell him. It will be too much for him to handle in one day.
Ming Yu brooded and could not shake off the image of EnXue hugging the Fisherman. It did not matter that she thought he was blameless or that she was also holding another man, she was still angry. And how could EnXue did this to her (but she in the past had secretly enjoyed the fact that others envied her). She wanted to be angry. And this overwhelmed the tenderness she felt when she was with WenCai. She kicked at the small stone in her way impetuously.
It rolled with a protest into the Fisherman’s path and annoyed him. Why should she feel angry? Didn’t she know how much it hurt him to see him holding his (ex?) lover? But at the same time, a blush rose in his face as he remembered his passion as EnXue pressed against him. So he said “I’m sorry” and meant it. MingYu softened and replied “It is not your fault” in a way as if to say “it is not my fault either.” She stopped in her track. The Fisherman stopped and faced her. MingYu lifted her head and looked into the Fisherman’s eyes and said “Let us get married before we leave.”
He looked at her. He had told MingYu he will marry her when she asked in the train. Now she wanted to seal it with an official wedding. She was rushing it. “No.” he said. “Not until we are really sure.” He turned and walked on ahead leaving MingYu stunned.
____________________
EnXue was giddy with joy when she rushed home. She had never felt anything like this. She never thought she could. So, this is what freedom taste like? How stupid of her, to contain her feelings all these years. Once she let go, everything became crystal clear to her. It will not be easy but she knew what exactly it was she had to do. She became impatient and started running. As she raced down the tree lined path, she giggled and laughed at her own silliness. For the first time in her adult life, she was happy.
She burst through the front door startling the servants who immediately rushed to her with alarm. She laughed at their worried looks alarming them further. “I’m alright, I’m alright” she tried to reassure them. But it was only after she composed herself and ordered them off to their task in her distinct sharp manner, did they cowed away. They remained as confused and puzzled for they heard her giggling under her breath, something their mistress would never do. As she approached the study, she slowed down and lost her laughter. Her heart was now pounding madly. She hesitated at the doorstep. This was the moment of Truth. It was the most important moment of her life. She must act now, if she was ever to be free.
She knocked at the door and pushed it in without waiting for a reply. Her dad would be in at this time of the day seeking solace in his books of philosophy. She did not wait for her eyes to adjust to the light but headed straight to his father’s table afraid if she were to hesitate, something would rob her of her will.
Her father put down the book he was holding but not reading for he could not focus on the subject this afternoon. These days he is finding it harder and harder to debate wisdom when his life is a lie. He was happy for the distraction but his smile dropped when he saw the determination in her face. “What is wrong, my child?”
She knew she was going to start by saying “Papa, I got to talk to you” and then blurt out all those toxic secrets she had been suppressing all these years. But now face to face with the person she loved most in the world, she could not bring herself to hurt him. Her euphoria, her courage and her determination evaporated like mist under the hot sun. Before she said the first word, tears were already rolling down her cheek. This shocked her father who was about to speak when he was abruptly cut off by EnXue “Papa, don’t talk. Let me speak.” She forced that out because she knew if she let her father speak first, she may never summon the courage to speak her mind.
Then in a low voice, broken by emotions she told him about what she saw that many years ago. How she grieved that she was the cause of her father’s sufferings. How she caused her father to go against his principle; became a changed man, manipulative, vindictive and vengeful. How he became a tortured soul for that is not his nature and he tried to over-compensate by indulging her, by his charities, his kindness. He tried to make sure more benefited from his largeness than hurt by his manipulation. And he tried to justify it all. But that ate at his soul and spirit like cancer, staining and corrupting all his good deeds. In all outward appearance, he was a gentle, kind, and successful man. But inside, he despised himself for the man he had became. But he did not know how to stop. His face drained of color and turned pallid as he listened to the sobbing voice. That was all he could do because what he feared most has happened. The only pure thing he thought he had left was the love and respect of his daughter and even that was a lie. He looked at the hurt he had caused the one he tried hardest to shield. The sound of her heartbreak is very similar to his own.
She broke down completely when she asked his forgiveness. For she could have saved him but lacked courage to hurt him. She knelt down and bowed her head. He dropped to the floor and father and daughter cried together for the first time in their life.
That night the family had a special dinner where words flew without any weight attached. EnXue asked her father not to blame her mother and her mother to lose her guilt. When all secrets were dismantled, there was nothing left to hide. When EnXue found her freedom, she used it to set her family free.
Later that night, she sat on the round table where her father drank with the moon; she has one more request to make. She knew her father will find a way to undo as much of the harm he had done and to pay back those he had hurt. She knew he will give most of what he owned away and she will be glad to see it happen. But she also knew her father will find it difficult to do the right thing where her happiness is concerned.
She took a sip from the tiny wine cup and said it casually “Papa, I want you to release WenCai’s parent from their obligations.” He looked at her daughter sadly, no longer surprised by her - “you knew about that too.” He was about to say something when EnXue stopped him “no more apologizing between us – the next one who does must drink horse urine!” Her father will do anything to make her happy. So she had always suspected when her father happily announced one day that WenCai’s parents proposed uniting the two families in marriage. She was not sure exactly how her father did it but he had his ways. The business misfortune suffered by the Tan family was probably caused by his father. He would understand that the Tan family was too honorable to accept a trade-off. So he saved them from ‘ruin’ without any obligation. Then, subtly lamented how much his daughter loved WenCai and let their honor worked for him. Her father has become a very cunning man who always know how to get his way.
“But you love him.”
“No, I don’t. Because I locked up my heart, I mistook what I want to possess for love. I saw the genuine love WenCai and MingYu have for each other and decided I want that too. I thought I will have it if I too have WenCai.” She paused and continued, “You must apologize to them. Tell them how ashamed you are. That we disgrace ourselves and them because I found someone else. That is the only way we can do justice to them.”
Her father looked at EnXue sadly “You’re just as bad as I am.”
“I know. But from now, we will use our skill for good and to benefit others.”
“I’ll drink to that and the moon will be my witness.”her father said. And EnXue smiled.
There is one more issue she held back from her father. This is not the time yet to tell him. It will be too much for him to handle in one day.
To be continued...
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